Jamie Oliver Is Like….

“TV CHEF Jamie Oliver was yesterday named the celebrity boss we’d most like to work for.
His laid-back attitude saw him win 13 per cent of the vote, beating fictional chocolate factory owner Willie Wonka and Apprentice boss Sir Alan Sugar.

Fourth place in the study of 4000 Brits by onepoll.com went to Only Fools And Horses favorite Del Boy, followed by Life On Mars copper DCI Gene Hunt. “

Source: www.dailyrecord.co.uk

What depresses you most about that ‘news’ item?

The confirmation that we live in a celeb dominated moron-arama that enables this to get in the paper? That the distortion of reality TV means the line between fictional characters and real people has disappeared in the minds of many? That more people would rather work at Fifteen than with the Oompah Loompah next to a chocolate river?

For me- it’s the fact (?) that 4000 people actually gave these mugs the time of day.

To make ourselves more appealing by copying the mass media, jamiegohome.com have decided to conduct our own dumb, celebrity based poll. Like the one above- we will offer a restrictive shortlist to skew the results as we ask the big question:

Which Celeb’ is Jamie Oliver Most Like?

A]

Vicky Pollard

The physical resemblance is amazing- from the puffy cheeks to the misguided idea that trackie tops are trendy. Add the petulance, unconvincing accent, gormless stare and propensity to gabble a load of cack on any subject and it looks like a separated at birth job.

B]

Gordon Ramsay

As a TV chef who swears a lot in an unconvincing attempt to look hard and who milks every last penny out of a product- Ramsay has plenty in common with Jamie. The similarities pretty much end there.  After all, Ramsay is a genuinely talented chef who has built up a string of well regarded restaurants. Jamie has never run a top class kitchen and his career has been based on the strange appeal he holds for middle aged women and retired homosexual clergymen.

C]

Damon Albarn

Another tight trackie top wearer who shot to fame in the Nineties. Another outer Essex person who based his persona on being a streetwise Cock-er-nee. The fake Dick Van Dyke act soon got old- but he then became even more tiresome when he went serious. Invented African music in the same way that Jamie invented Italian cookery.

D]

Master Sergeant Ernie Bilko

In a classic episode of the show; ace operator Bilko has a problem. The other sergeants- who he regularly cons money from- have had enough. With his main source of income cut off- Bilko leases an empty store in the nearby town of Roseville.  Even though there is no visible activity- the place becomes the talk of the mess: ‘Bilko must be up to something’. The mug punter sergeants can’t help themselves. Convinced that Bilko has a sure fire winner up his sleeve, they pool their savings to rent out other properties on the block causing a mini real estate boom.

Bilko sells his lease for a fat profit- leaving them with nothing as usual. They ignored the evidence that everything Bilko ever did before had no substance and was a charade aimed at lining his own pockets. A former empty travel agents shop on the corner of All Saints Square, Rotherham is being used for the remake.

E]

Sharon Osbourne

Very much a bit part player with very little in the way of talent. Pushed her way in front  of the camera and displayed a willingness to turn her life into a reality show- even if it had a negative effect on members of her family. Was marketed as an expert on subjects she actually had very little knowledge of. A deep abiding love for a pound note and star of sickening supermarket ad’s.

F]

Jeremy Kyle

A complete wanker.

Send your vote to jogonyfc@mail.com .

Anyone who comes up with original suggestions or just general abuse may be eligible for being bought a pint in the Rotherham pub of your choice.

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