Bitter End

Monday was a big day for Jamie Oliver. It was the official opening of the Ministry of Food HQ in Rotherham. Not that it has made much difference.

Anyone who spends time in Rotherham town centre will be aware that, over the last few weeks, the shop has had the odd manic burst of activity already. Whenever the Pukka cooker pops in for an hour- the place is a hive of action; packed with punters and camera crew. I’m always reading bits in the press about how he is working tirelessly on the project. I can only assume that, in Jamiespeak, tirelessly is another word for Tuesdays. The rest of the time- there are just a couple of bored looking women in there staring out of the window.

Yesterday was Chicken Chow Mein class at 10 am, then Fish Pie class at 2 pm. Funny times, don’t you think. For a campaign that’s aimed at “ordinary people”, it’s almost as though they don’t want people with ordinary jobs to turn up. I’m sure the production company would be very disappointed if just a load of dole wallahs turned up. Surely that’s not what they came to Rotherham looking for.

Monday must have been bitter / sweet for Jamie. On the one hand- his latest crusade is getting into gear. On the other hand- one of his previous campaigns had been declared an abject disaster.

Jamie’s School Dinners pushed the issue of school meals to the head of political agenda. Monday saw the official confirmation that the whole project was a failure.

The Local Authority Caterers Association (LACA) sent an open letter to Children’s Minister Ed Balls telling him that school dinners in their current form were unsustainable.

Take up of meals in primary schools fell to just 41 per cent last year. The figures for secondary schools, at 38 per cent, were even worse. LACA vice chairman Neil Porter described dining halls as: “like restaurants with no customers“. He went on:

“Kids don’t like the new healthy hot meals and they are voting with their feet.”

Oliver has effectively solved the problem of poor school dinners by eliminating them altogether. He has got rid of a common cold by killing the patient.

Different newspapers had various views on who is to blame. The government came in for plenty of stick for not providing sufficient funding. The fact is – they were bounced into agreeing to the new dinners after Jamie Oliver’s TV show. Perhaps after a more consideration- they identified more effective ways of improving children’s health.

The statistics tell us that the new dinners cost more and kids simply are not eating the food on offer. LACA and Oliver have solutions to the problem they have created. LACA want the Government to come up with an extra 50p per meal to improve ingredients and provide funds to build 4,025 kitchens. It says the full package would cost £291million a year, including pay for kitchen staff to work longer hours to produce fresh food.

This is the kind of business logic you hear from people who are not in business and spend other people’s dosh.

-We have a product that our customers hate and is costing us a fortune. We think we should spend even more money to position our product even further away from what we know our customers like.
No way are the government going to pay- and parents won’t either. At the moment- dinners at my local school cost £8 a week. If you’ve got three kids- that works out at £96 every four weeks. A big lump out of your monthly wage. Even bigger if it’s going on stuff your kids chuck straight in the slop tray.

Jamie Oliver has been outspoken on the corrupt nature of the current arrangements. He has claimed that private companies claim to be losing money on dinners, while at the same time stuffing bundles of cash into holding companies. As with all Oliver claims- he offers no corroborating evidence whatsoever. All soundbite- no bite.

He is also furious at the government:

“The government has not ring-fenced that money. Schools could just as easily buy computers and books in that case.”

So what? I would rather they spent the money on basketballs, boxing gloves and dance teachers. I think they would improve health, fitness and discipline more than uneaten dinners. At the end of the day though- I’m not going to complain about a school using scarce resources to fund books and computers before Feta cheese.

More relevant to the Rotherham project is this attitude expressed in the LACA statement.

“More emphasis has been placed on better nutritional standards but the pupils do not like it. In order to maintain and achieve what we are trying to do with the school meals service we have got to reduce the choice available to them.”

Here we have another case of the great and good dictating what is right for THOSE people. In this case THOSE people are children. Jamie and his buddies know what is good for THEM, and they will have it if they like it or not. There is no allowance for any personal choice or acknowledgement that there is another point of view.

School dinners are not being eaten. The conclusion they come to- reduce choice. Ban outside food and vet pack lunches to make sure they are on message. They do as we say or they starve. What kind of regime does this sound like to you?

The Minister of Propaganda for the Supernanny state has now set up shop in our town. Oliver is turning into the Bryan Robson of campaigning. Each time he fails- he comes back convinced of his ability to get it right next time. So after pushing the sales of factory farmed chicken through the roof and killing off school dinners- he’s sharing his expertise with us.

This time- the whole thing has far less substance. With a false premise, no clear objectives and some very dodgy reasoning- this is much more obviously an entertainment show. One thing is certain. It is set in Rotherham, so it is clearly about THOSE people. THOSE idiots who don’t have exactly the same beliefs as WE (Middle England) dictate. They may even subtitle us to make the point.

The disastrous knock on effects of Jamie’s School Dinners are only now being felt. Turning back is never an option to fanatics. The Middle England “experts” seem to think that the only options are: throw a huge amount of money at the project or bully THOSE idiot kids until they conform.

Will Ministry of Food have the same impact on the political agenda? Remember, it’s set in Rotherham, to make it clear to the audience that it is about THOSE people. Those poor, carefully cast and edited Northern stereotypes. What should we do to make THOSE people fall into line? Limit their choice? How about paying them in vouchers? Vetting their purchases? Fridge searches? Tagging? Chip shop ASBOs? Random breath tests? Fines for the overweight? BMI tax? THOSE people deserve it. I’ve seen them portrayed on a fair and balanced TV documentary. They will not listen to (OUR) reason

This may sound far fetched, but think back a couple of years. Tony Blair allowed the entire school dinners system to be overhauled on the say so of a Vicky Pollard lookalike, Mockney chef. On the run up to an election- who knows how low the politicians will go to put their groping hands up his Kappa top on telly.

Whatever happens- you can be sure that Jamie (estimated fortune £20 million from TV and books) will be eager to get his teeth into another project.

No Blackmail