Don’t Fence Me In

It’s the final week of Jamie’s Ministry of Food.

Saturday’s grand finale will spell the end of the occupation- and the beginning of phase 3: the lead up to the broadcast of the series. Over the next few weeks- the marketing machine will go into overdrive with a slick campaign to promote the show. Posters, prime time adverts, chat show appearances the lot. We will counter by making snide comments about how Jamie Oliver looks like Vicky Pollard on our cheapo blog.

They don’t stand a chance.

We have the ultimate weapon- Jamie Oliver.

Can anyone be in any doubt that everything we have said about him and his shoddy exercise is correct?  That the whole charade is built on lies, twisted logic and cynical disregard for the people it claims to be helping.

The number of readers we are getting lately is testament to the fact that people are waking up to the deception (except for the disturbingly large number who reach us via the search engine term “Lizzie Bardsley’s tits”).

This interest is almost totally due to our chief marketing officer: Jamie Oliver.

First, he confirmed his contempt for the people of this country by telling a French magazine that he regarded us as a bunch of materialistic piss artists who only cared about the size of our tellys. In a surreal move- the display in the window of the Jamie’s Ministry of Food has been changed since then. Where there was once a basket of fresh produce- there is now a giant plasma screen broadcasting images of Jamie. I kid you not.

The more he gets the chance to explain his case – the less people buy into it. He is being exposed in the cruellest sense of the word.

His parting shot should leave no doubts in anyone’s mind. The grand ”Pass it On Festival” was always going to be a big event declaring the project a success. We have pointed out the Pass it On scheme has flopped and will continue to challenge claims to the contrary with a commodity that Jamie is not comfortable with- the facts.

We always maintained that Jamie was here to flog the dead horse of the Rawmarsh mums a little more. That sordid media circus was supposedly inspired by the Jamie’s School Dinners show. In truth, it was more a dispute about pupils having permission to leave the school grounds. The current series has absolutely nothing to do with that sorry incident- except one thing. Rotherham suffered a tsunami of negative publicity when the national media decided that a petty school dispute had images bleak enough to get the Middle England viewers they pander to tutting. Jamie needs a cause to get his core book buyers wet, so he’s dishing out some warmed up poverty porn. From the people who brought you Graveyard Chip Orgy- Ministry of Food.

Over the duration of the filming- we have reminded our dear readers that the statistics do not mark Rotherham out as “the town of food sin” (BBC). We are being used as shorthand- representatives of everything despised by the Boden bunch. The footage from Rawmarsh makes an easy reference point- grubby, sexy images that give our hero an open goal.

So where has Jamie Oliver chosen to hold his final big event before shipping out (if you believe this is going to carry on like they say it is- I fear you are in for a let down).

If the Pass it On scheme had worked- it would make sense to hold the victory party in somewhere that had played an important part in it. Magna- where up to a thousand people were bussed in on a jolly. Boston Park – where the true disciples first gathered for their get to know you picnic (we understand this is on the cutting room floor- we’ll tell you why another day). The obvious choice must be All Saints Square. The Ministry HQ is based there. The square is the epicentre of the town. If the campaign hasdreally revolutionised the life of the borough- the place would be packed with well wishers giving the hero his deserved ovation.

If it was anywhere that related back to the Rawmarsh images- it would surely confirm that the whole thing is just a sham. That incident is done and dusted and bears no relation to the stated aims of Ministry of Food. It would highlight that M of F is merely a puffed up version of Challenge Anneka. That they were willing to holiday in other people’s misery to sell their crappy cook books.

Making the wrong choice would make it easy for opponents to highlight the crass, exploitative nature of the show in the weeks leading up to it being aired on Channel 4. It could be a disaster that seriously undermines the credibility of the show.

Guess where they are the “Festival”. I’ll give you a clue. It’s ticket only and behind a fence.

Jamie Oliver- working hard to expose the cynical nature of the modern media.

 

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