Jamie Wants You- ( If You Are Female and Minted )

Jamie’s Ministry of Food.

It’s all about helping the ordinary people of Rotherham. Inspiring those who don’t cook to get in the kitchen and improve their lives.

Not according to Channel 4.

The station that is going to broadcast the munchkin missionary’s patronisathon has a whole different take on it.

Jamie’s MoF is being touted around for sponsorship. Visit Channel 4 Sales and even the most rose tinted glasses must go a bit cloudy.

The pitch states:

ABC1 Women

In the First World War Britain’s nutrition was in crisis. The government responded by creating a new Ministry of Food.

Jamie Oliver believes we are currently in a similar state of crisis so he’s going to set up his own Ministry of Food. Co-opting his family and friends, he’ll use his home town of Southend (sic) as his base to continue his one man mission to stop good people eating bad food.

Two things leap off the page. Firstly- Southend. Jamie has repeatedly said he was “haunted” by the images of the Rawmarsh mums and this drove him to set up his latest crusade. He has stressed that the Rotherham factor was key- he was desperate to help the townspeople. The lazy editing of the C4 sales site suggests that coming to our town was at best second choice. Draw your own conclusions why this happened. If anyone can think of a positive one- please share it with the group. (We will return to Southendgate in future editions)

The smoking gun is the target audience-

ABC1 Women.

For those unfamiliar with the NRS social classifications:

A-   upper middle class higher managerial, administrative or professional
B -  middle class intermediate managerial, administrative or professional
C1- lower middle class supervisory or clerical, junior managerial, administrative or professional
C2- skilled working class skilled manual workers
D-  working class semi and unskilled manual workers
E-   those at lowest level of subsistence state pensioners or widows (no other earner), casual or lowest grade workers

ABC1 Women: Bit thin on the ground in Rotherham.

Teachers, Council, few banking bods and that’s your lot. C4 don’t seem convinced that this show is going to galvanise the entire nation to change their lives.

ABC1 women are the group in society least likely to change their behaviour on food. They are already signed up. Their income gives them access to the best ingredients. They are educated and are likely to be familiar with the issues and probably have plenty of Jamie product already. They are more than likely to have access to a car which enables them to head off to Cannon Hall or Waitrose or anywhere else they fancy. They are less likely to head for the golden arches when going out for a meal and probably move in circles that don’t find the idea of a dinner party weird and gay.

These are the people who shook their heads in disbelief at Jamie’s School Dinners when poor kids didn’t recognise broccoli. The converted will settle down again as Jamie sells them the same piece of old rope this October. The next day, it will be perfect fodder for a self righteousness session in the All Bar One.

You can judge a man by the company he keeps. Scan down the page for the other “feature shows”, with the same target audience, available for sponsorship and you get the drift.

10 Years Younger

A swish London media type takes a 35 year old woman with saggy tits, puts her in a bikini and parades her: inviting 100 members of the public to guess her age. It is edited so you hear five people saying she looks about 80- reducing her to tears. Playing on the emotional crisis- the subject is cajoled into being butchered by a plastic surgeon. After caking on a ton of make up and dressing her like a 1950s prostitute- the woman is judged by another hundred people. This time- they keep the five who say she looks about 30. After being literally used and abused- she is tossed back into her normal life with no real benefit.

It is almost the same show as Mof. Cruel exploitation of insecurities dressed up as entertainment. Next:

Neil Morrissey’s Perfect Pint

This observational series will follow Neil Morrissey and his close friend and beer chef Richard Fox fulfilling their dream ambition of setting up a brewery and a pub to create and sell the ‘perfect pint’.

AKA: Someone they wouldn’t have minded shagging in the 90s doing something they have no real interest in emulating.

Personal Services Required

With rising numbers of people paying someone to do their domestic duties, the demand for good workers is greater than ever. But finding the right person for the job can be a tricky business. This new four part series will help people to find the domestic staff of their dreams. Each week different families are given the opportunity to road-test potential candidates to work for them.

Like Jamie’s MoF, this is Channel 4 stepping up to the plate on their public service remit. All I hear round Rotherham is what a nightmare it is to find a butler. And as for holding on to a decent ostler- forget about it. Up there with all those vital shows about how to get an acceptable holiday home abroad for less than 400k.

Wife Swap

Could this have been behind the relocation from Southend. A new crop of Lizzie Bardsley’s to cowprod for sport. Surely not. I mean, after all those record ratings and acres of news print- Channel Four wouldn’t want to go fishing around for Northern stereotypes to put on the screen.

The marketing machine is bang on so far. The people getting behind the “pass it on” campaign in Rotherham are bang in the ABC female classification. Floral dresses and good intentions. The idea that this is going to develop beyond the core audience of Jamie disciples is folly.

We’ve been hearing a few wicked whispers about dissent in the ranks already. More on that to follow.

No Blackmail