Lazy Journalism 101

Lazy journalists. You can’t blame them really. You have a choice of doing your job properly or doing it in half the time and telling a more appealing story. When a celeb comes to town- it’s a windfall. Loads of stories about nothing. Just pedal whatever they want to say and you’re on easy street.

Look at an example of lazy journalism. Pretty mild compared to what’s on the horizon- but this is just a taster.

Click here to watch BBC report.

 

TV chef tackles Rotherham

Let’s start with the headline. You tackle something that’s bad- like a burglar or a winger cutting in to shoot at your goal. Rotherham- the object of the verb- is clearly bad news.

Celebrity chef Jamie Oliver has visited Rotherham to try to address the town’s obesity problems.

That’s not why he was in town at all- but we’ll get to that in a minute. There is a clear suggestion that we have obesity problems specific to our town. If you look at the facts (not an Oliver strong point) you will see another picture.

The YORKSHIRE & HUMBER PUBLIC HEALTH OBSERVATORY prepared a major study on obesity in Yorkshire and Humber in 2003. They found that both men and women from the region ranked as fourth highest in England in terms of the percentage who were overweight and obese (Body Mass Index over 30). On obesity alone, Yorkshire and Humber were #1, but Rotherham  was way down in eighth place when is was broken down into areas. Why are we getting tackled?

Quick-To the pictures. Jamie cutting the ribbon to open his Ministry of Food. Only, he isn’t. The date is 13th May 2008 and we all know the occupation HQ didn’t open until 23rd June. Who cares about facts eh? It’s only a bit of fun.

Jamie explains what it’s all about. Well he says “recipe” and “local” a lot and then admits he doesn’t really know what he’s going to be doing. He also looks uncannily like Boris Johnson.

“Jamie was inspired by these infamous pictures”

Praise the Lord. Don’t worry – you won’t usually have to wait thirty seconds to see the infamous pictures. The mums, or in Jamie’s words “old slappers” giving their kids some hot food (not McDonalds and not for profit as Jamie claimed at the time). In October, you will be seeing these pictures in every paper and on every TV news show as the marketing machine swings into action. This kind of stuff actually went on all over the country.

The Times reported:

“So huge was the resistance that take-up of school dinners fell by as much as 24%. At Ealdham primary in Greenwich the head teacher Sally Castle saw parents at the school gate with McDonald’s Happy Meals. “In the early days the children would be in tears and the parents were very angry and upset,” Castle said.

So the Rawmarsh situation was part of a national trend. Someone pointed a camera at people it was easy to pour scorn on, and suddenly we are, in the words of the BBC:

“the town of food sin”

The thick as pig shit place where we ply our kids with “forbidden” food. This “inspired Jamie”. Although, as you can see from the Channel 4 site, the plan was originally make the show in Southend with members of his family to continue “his one man mission to stop good people eating bad food”. proof here

The meeting where they decided to switch to “the town of food sin” must have been a blast.

Truly inspirational. Totally cynical. Tie it in with an old project and cane those Rawmarsh tapes for comic effect.

“in the town of food sin; Jamie’s finding some disciples”

Disciples see the light. Follow the Messiah out of the darkness.

The two lasses want their works canteen sorting. No deal. Jamie’s Ministry of Food is about what you cook at home. Anyway- neither of them looks obese to me. It may be a bold guess- but I’d put money on them lasses being able to cook for themselves.

Next- Jamie’s target audience. Talks about the people of Rotherham like they are retarded for real. That we wouldn’t think of doing decent things for our kids unless some cock off the telly shows us the way. He is confident that Jamie isn’t talking about him. Some thing MUST be done- about other people.

Now it’s time for the unconverted- BOOOO. They wanted a quick hot meal before they went back to college. Bastards. Close up on that tray of chips. SINNERS. I mean that lass- she seemed perfectly normal and not unhealthy at all. She just fancied some chips. We can’t get people get away with shit like that.

Thank God they get them off and get Jamie back on. He says how great it is to be up here- because we’re all honest. Not like London- where everyone is full of shit. Exhibit A- Jamie Oliver. He also says his “experiment” is “definitely the right thing” – even though he has admitted earlier he does not know exactly what he is doing. “It’s about community”. Eh?

“We will find out if all the people in Rotherham are going to sign up to the food gospel according to Jamie”

This is what is known as a puff piece (an open goal for you). Promote what the celebrity wants. You give him air time to plug his wares- he stoops to appear on your crappy local TV show or in your crappy local paper. There is also the unwritten rule that no one is allowed to oppose anything dressed up as promoting healthy eating or question the motives of the multi millionaire businessman.

The BBC piece is two months old. It is full of holes and guff with not one hint of what used to be called “journalism”. If anything- the reporting of the Ministry of Food has gone down hill since then.

It is up to us to turn the tide. Set the agenda. For once- I want us to do as Jamie says. He says he respects our honesty. Any journalists out there- do an honest day’s work and question people. Look beyond the froth for the real story. If you don’t- you are not a journalist.

The piece portrayed normal Rotherham folk as the enemy and people who come to thank Jamie and bring a load of cookbooks to be signed as normal.

That picture looks wrong to me.

 

No Blackmail.

Cook-Along Fever

Don’t forget Jamie’s show on BBC Radio Sheffield. Tuesday 17; 6.00-7.00 pm. Our lovely licence lolly is paying for this second hour long plug for Channel 4 and Jamie’s Ministry of Food Ltd (Registered No. 06404982), so we may as well get our get our money’s worth.

No doubt- you’ve been excited about the promised cook-along all week. Oliver is going all out to win us over by showcasing the no nonsense methods that are going to kickstart a revolution in the health of families across Britain.

Count the flaws in the model- they’re going to get bigger as the project grows.

What percentage of the people who listened last week are actually going to cook along? If you are guessing anywhere over one percent, I salute your optimism.

Jamie’s going to keep it real by teaching us how to cook a burger. Last week, he told us to check out the website and pick up the ingredients so we could all get cracking this week. I did – so you don’t need to:

1 large white onion
olive oil
sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
50g Jacob’s crackers
8 sprigs of fresh flat-leaf parsley
2 heaped teaspoons Dijon mustard
500g good-quality beef mince
1 large egg, preferably free-range
1 cos or round lettuce
3 tomatoes
1 red onion
3 or 4 gherkins
6 burger buns

How many other people do you reckon bothered looking? Five percent? I’d say less but we’ll aim high. Of that five percent- how many would have gone out of their way to buy these ingredients so they could prepare a burger at precisely 6.30 pm on Tuesday? Anyone still confident about that one percent plus figure?

The list looked pretty big to me- so I checked out how much it would cost you to make Jamie’s burger feast. To keep it fair- I checked on the website of our boy’s fave supermarket:

Sainsbury’s Beef Mince, Be Good To Yourself 440g
£2.79
Sainsbury’s Single Beef Tomato
£0.55 x 3 = 1.65
Sainsbury’s Red Onions x3
£1.29
Sainsbury’s Olive Oil, Extra Virgin 500ml
£2.48
Sainsbury’s Dijon Mustard, 210g
£0.45
Sainsbury’s Flat Leaf Parsley 25g
£0.69
Sainsbury’s Free Range Eggs, Medium x6
£1.36
Sainsbury’s Lettuce, Round
£0.49
Sainsbury’s Pickled Gherkins, in  Vinegar 675g
£0.59
Jacob’s Cream Crackers 300g
£0.64
Sainsbury’s Burger Buns x6
£0.63
Sainsbury’s Onions, Basics   
£0.59

A grand total of £13.66. And remember- that’s just for burgers. We’ve been systematically brainwashed to expect a portion of chips and a glass of pop with a burger meal, plus a movie tie-in toy for the youngsters. In the unlikely event you can get a family who work or go to school to hang on till nearly seven with the promise of a homemade burger- they are not going to be chuffed with nowt but tap water on the side.

For the kind of money you’re talking- you could get a serious takeaway. And you could go there when you wanted. The stated target maket of the project is folks who never cook. At that price you’re going to attract about 0.01 percent of them.

But, you cry- you’ve budgeted for buying bottles of olive oil and six eggs. The people who do this will have these things at home.

Aha, I exclaim- they would. I believe that most British families would be packing this gear. However- this whole project is supposedly aimed at a large group in society who NEVER cook. They would have to be sufficiently inspired by J.O. to fork out a considerable amount of money to do something they have an aversion to. The end product would be something they could get delivered to their house for less expense. And they could have it whenever they wanted.

Nonsense, you interject- they could do this whenever they wanted. This family have to have access to the Internet to have got the recipe (I pass over the fact that many do not have a computer). They can use the listen again facility and do this whenever. Or just copy down the details and do it at their convenience.

Allelujah- I cry. You finally understand. The whole scheme is just another crappy cooking show aimed at snobbish foodies. The whole community involvement thing is a ruse and the people of Rotherham are extras in a deception.

The recipes are out there anyway. Those who want to cook have all the help they need. My licence fee funds www.bbc.co.uk/food , where people have access to thousands of recipes- including 100 video recipes. Anyone flicking through the current issue of Radio Times will see a free food pull out which includes a recipe for burgers by Ainsley Harriott and one for kebabs by Gordon Ramsey.

The School Dinners show was considered a success because it got politicians to change policy. A group of needy knob jockeys who will do anything to get their mugs on telly fell over themselves to press Oliver’s puffy, pale flesh.

People already know what food is good for them. People have developed their eating habits to suit themselves. If they are unhealthy- they have justified to themselves the reasons why they stick with them. You cannot alter the behaviour of people overnight unless you are offering something which is demonstrably superior.

Jamie’s Ministry of Food is a fraud. It is built on a lie and offers solutions which are impractical. The script has already been written. Jamie Oliver will be at the centre of a series of set pieces which will build to a climax. Careful editing and spurious claims will have the viewers in no doubt that the whole thing has been “another triumph”. Easy to claim success when the results are impossible to quantify. The only figures that count are the sales of: Jamie’s Ministry of Food: Anyone Can Learn to Cook in 24 Hours. To be published by  Michael Joseph Ltd 2nd Oct 2008.

The only losers will be the people of Rotherham. Unpaid extras in this squalid exercise. The town held up as a centre of sloth and ignorance. The suckers who show up on TV will be used the worst then left high and dry when the ringmaster returns South.

With every lack lustre appearence in Rotherham- Jamie is convincing more people to stand up and fight back. He is uniting the people under one banner. Jamie Go Home.

Anyone who collaborates is selling us down the river.

No Blackmail

Don’t Drink Oil, Don’t Pick Your Arse

Jamie Oliver’s Radio Sheffield Show – 6.00 pm to 7.00pm  10th June 08

“You’re probably as bored as I am about all these things about health”

So uttered the clueless scooterist to kick off. Never a truer word… but there’s product to sell so on with the show.

The whole thing was truly execrable. Jamie gave a very weak explanation of what he is playing at in my town. He repeated his mantra. He was haunted by the images of a Mum passing a bag of chips to her kids. Six months ago, to lay these demons to rest, he came to make his peace with the women of Rotherham. I am uncertain what form this meeting took, but Oliver talked about it with great solemnity. I imagine it was in a grand hall- chaired by Archbishop Desmond Tutu.

Inspired by this pow wow, he had a great idea. We’ve sorted out schools- let’s get into the homes. This is a career path followed by a number of burglars- only they are more honest about the greed fuelling their plans. And their victims suffer less psychological damage.

Jamie then had a second idea- let’s make a TV show about it. In his words: School Dinners was Star Wars, Ministry is Empire Strikes back. I’d go for a sequel that is more rooted in the exploitation genre personally. Was there a Cannibal Holocaust 2?

 Your suggestions for films that these TV landmarks remind you of are encouraged.

J.O. stated the premise the new series is built on:

Nobody gets taught to cook any more.

Of course that’s true- except everyone does cookery at school. And there are tons of cookery shows on telly every day covering every variety of cuisine and some specialising in ultra simple, fast meals. And most people are brought up in households where someone cooks at least now and then. And even if they aren’t – the vast majority of people know at least one person who they could ask how to boil an egg if they were arsed.

So the reasoning behind the show is sound- unless you think about it for more than one second and realise it is complete nonsense.

The plan is- to build a movement. Jamie will teach a recipe to a small class in Rotherham. They will then pass it on to friends. They do the same until, eventually, everyone in Britain will have been touched by the magic and we will all become healthy overnight. Genius.

Jamie spoke live to Natasha, one of the people who have been going to his start up class.

I’m sure that we all have confidence in Jamie. Many people applied to take part in his experiment. His hand picked group will surely be normal citizens- representative of Rotherham as a whole. The kind of folk I see round the town every day. No way would a man of integrity pull together a bunch who conform to a Northern stereotype imagined in the fantasies of only the most blinkered, Home Counties, Mail on Sunday reader. His production crew wouldn’t be so cruel as to pick people who could be sneered at by a middle class audience. They wouldn’t get people who would be ideal for the kind of reality TV journey that portrays nice working class people as losers and enables them to blossom thanks to the help of a kindly passing toff.

Natasha told Jamie that she lived off a diet of kebabs and takeways seven days a week.

Jamie’s response (remembering he’s in Rotherham)

“There’s probably a lot of people like you at home.”

In four lessons, Jamie has taught Natasha to cook meatballs, pancakes, curry and stir fry. Now, she says her life has been transformed. She sits down at the table to every meal with her two children. A heart warming tale I’m sure you’ll agree.

The phone lines were opened up- and the great South Yorks Public grilled Oliver on the burning issues:

Julie from Mexborough: What can I do with a Jerusalem Artichoke?
Mark from Everton: You are a God!
Andrew from Deepcar: Why don’t you use simple ingredients in your recipes? I can’t get them in my local shop.

Thankfully- Jamie had an answer for Andrew. The Sainsburys sponsored slack jaw advised him to go to a supermarket. You can get everything there you know.

Hopefully, this problem will be addressed in the Bible of the new movement: Jamie’s Ministry of Food: Anyone Can Learn to Cook in 24 Hours. To be published by  Michael Joseph Ltd 2nd Oct 2008 -£25.00 to you squire. Perfect for the Xmas market.

Next week, the show is a cook – along. The irony free zone that is Jamie said he would be making burgers because he wanted to: “go in at street level.”

To give us thickos a dry run, he devoted the second half of the show to making a steak sandwich. It is hard to criticize this segment, as it featured local heroes, The Chuckle Brothers as guests. The CBs kept it real- telling their host they didn’t care for salad as it was “rabbit food.”

One exchange offered a glimmer of hope for the future. J.O. repeated the mantra that no-one is taught to cook in school, so he was taking up the challenge to pass on his culinary knowledge. A CB replied:

“Like we do in Chucklevision.”

Puzzlingly, J.O. appeared to agree. So it looks like there’s going to be some slapstick mixed in with the preaching and tear jerking manipulation. Hopefully, he’ll give Barry and Paul a gig in some kind of clumsy waiter role. Suddenly, I’m interested in the Oliver franchise.

The show climaxed with unbridled excitement. Natasha was called again. Both times she was described as speaking live “at a school in Rotherham”. Whether this vagueness stems from ignorance of the area, or fear of attack from the paramilitary forces rumoured to be mobilising against the project, is unclear.

Golden child Natasha was living proof of the success of the Jamie formula. Only four weeks out of kebab slavery- she had been teaching her own class. Natasha had been demonstrating how to make: (drum roll) A salad. Jamie was on the edge of his seat. Had she pulled it off?

She had.

Wow, amazing. Until you think- how can you mess up pulling a lettuce apart and throwing it in a bowl. Also- how would any of her class know if it was any good? If they were operating at a lower level than Natasha- they may not actually have seen food before. It’s possible they could survive on a diet of Castrol GTX and horse manure. See, nobody’s teaching ‘ em at school like, those poor Norverners.

Everyone had done great said Natasha. She even mentioned that one of the men on the course had:

“…pulled his finger out of his bum.”

Was he looking for a snack? Who knows?

However, the incident must put a question mark next to the teaching methods underpinning Jamie’s Ministry of Food. Four weeks of studying under the grandmaster and some of the chosen few are still fingering their arse in the kitchen.

Jamie played out with the suitably insipid but sinister “Have a Nice Day” by the Stereophonics.

See you next week for the burger cook- a – long

No Blackmail

BBC Radio Sheffield Jamie Day: Part One

Hurrah- Today is Jamie Oliver day on BBC Radio Sheffield.

The local broadcaster is clearing the decks to give the titty lipped kedgeree king enough space to park his ego.

He has an hour of informercial time tonight at 6- but his first port of call was the Toby Foster- Bigger at Breakfast show. Despite being trailed as appearing from 8:30 onwards- our favourite kitchen weasel only managed to put in a ten minute shift. He excused his tardiness with those stock ‘couldn’t be arsed’ metaphors- ‘sat nav’ and ‘traffic on the Parkway’.

Once on air- the clichés kept flowing. He loves coming up to Rotherham- “because of the people”. Oliver emphasised his commitment by telling the listeners it was “worth the three hours of Hell” on the motorway to get here. All of us little people at home were deeply moved that this icon of our age drags himself away, from the glitz of Down South, and puts himself through such an ordeal to help us.

It’s not all one way though. Jamie loves getting out and about because:

“In London- you get caught up in rubbish.”

Yeah- but your rubbish gets commissioned mate. Of course, this is not just a TV show- it’s “a movement.” I’ll leave you to make up your own gags for that one.

Jamie did admit that the issue of people not cooking at home anymore was not Rotherham specific. So why was he here? He says he kept thinking of the Rawmarsh lasses handing chips to their kids and: “It haunted me.” Whichever PR consultant wrote that line for him needs to either get a new career or get out more.

It came up briefly that he’s doing an ad for Sainsburys, pointing out that a family can eat well for a fiver. This campaign can’t possibly be linked to the show he’s embarking on. Can it?

Some good came of Jamie Oliver’s spot. As he rolled up twenty minutes late- some filling was required. A concerned grandparent, Anne, phoned up to complain about the station’s reporting of the government’s ludicrous plan to shut down a list of failing schools if they don’t perform better. Anne spoke from the heart in defence of the much maligned Myers Grove school. She told the listeners why exam results aren’t every thing and how much the staff had gone out of their way to help her grand daughter. She was eloquent and gave an impassioned local slant on a national issue.

Unfortunately, Oliver turned up, so we couldn’t hear more of Anne. I mean, it’s OK to have bit of these lovely, warm Northerners; but when masser’s come all the way from the big house- we’ve got to listen to him. Supermarkets don’t plug themselves you know.

Don’t forget to tune in later- a full hour of Jamie informercial on the BBC.