Episode One

Let’s start by dealing with the elephant in the room.

 

Obesity, obesity, obesity: the keyword that has headed up all the pre publicity.

 

Jamie’s “non cooks” are not obese. The girls are slim; the men run the gamut from skinny to Adonnis.

 

Those who are put forward as cooking role models are all carrying a bit of timber.

 

Without the voice over- the whole thing would be confusing. If you were deaf and wanting a hot, holiday body- you would be out buying Maltesers, cheesy chips and 20 Bensons.

 

From the top, we are introduced to the idea of Jamie conducting biz from his Range Rover. This gives the whole thing a lord of the manor / toff on safari vibe. Jamie’s going to see people in a different area- but we’ll remember he is better than them. Many London school run mums will be familiar with this concept.

 

When introduced to Rotherham- the viewer is shown three massively obese people walking around. Once that’s implanted in your head- we can move on.

 

We’re told that Jamie is coming “without a clue” about how to get the town cooking. Wow- hasn’t he done well then. In just a few months- he’s managed to come up with the idea for his Pass it On social networking site, he knocked up that new cookbook- just in time for it to come out this week ready for Christmas.

 

Most amazingly- he came up with the idea for the Ministry of Food. We saw him come up with the idea and the name before our very eyes. What is even more amazing is- the private company Jamie’s Ministry of Food Ltd (Registered No. 06404982) was incorporated on October 22nd 2007. Simple explanation. Jamie was inspired by the people of Rotherham, got in his DeLorean with the Doc and went back to the future. It must be true- as we were told at the beginning of the show that he came to town without a clue what to do.

 

He goes to see Julie Critchlow- mysteriously dressed in her best clothes and being very pleasant to someone who has made her life a misery. Almost like she’s at a job interview. What did those researchers promise her to get her onside? Jamie tells her he uses the word scrubber a lot- more proof of his time travelling as no-one else has used the term for 30 years.

 

Jamie says he likes Julie because she calls a spade a spade.

 

“If we can get her on board- that’s really powerful.”

 

Why?

 

“With one woman nearly convinced that the junk should be binned- Jamie has just 249,999 to go”

 

So every single person in Rotherham is a slob who lives on junk food?

 

We are then told that “just 300 of the town’s people apply” to be taught to cook from scratch.

 

Just? 300 is wads- especially when the ad is specifically pitched at moron level and includes the line

“Channel 4 are making a major new television series.”

Doesn’t it occur to the programme makers that the number of people who can’t cook isn’t that big?

 

Doesn’t it occur to the programme makers that not everyone is desperate to be on TV?

We are then told that Jamie goes round to visit some of his elite 8 cooking class. We only see him meet people who live on benefits and have takeaway food in the house. Odd that isn’t it.

Gives Jamie the chance to rant in the Range Rover.

JAMIE:  I’m going to make a difference to these people’s lives. I don’t know how I’m going to do it.

If I don’t do it- I should fucking retire.

 

If Jamie’s a man of his word- I assume he has his feet up right now as he wistfully fingers his gold pocket watch. Those of us who live in the town know that the “movement” has had little or no effect on 99% of Rotherham people. That ending probably won’t play well with the Jamie fans though- so we look forward to something more upbeat.

 

We were then introduced to the eight who got through the extensive vetting process to be Jamie’s stooges. They were asked to introduce themselves “in the style of Alcoholics Anonymous.” Seriously.

We met people from Doncaster, Barnsley, Goldthorpe and the past. Next week- the star is from Armthorpe. So much for teaching Rotherham to cook.

“Next morning…. Jamie pops by to see Natasha, who is at her boyfriend’s café.”

If that line does not cast doubts on the integrity of the series- What does?

Ponder on that throwaway line for a minute.

Who does she know who could teach her how to cook if she wanted to?

Where could she get a meal other than the take away?

Does she know anyone who may sometimes visit a food retailer / wholesaler in a motor vehicle?

And she is surprisingly confident when cooking in front of a camera crew- to say it’s the first time she has EVER cooked.

 

Jamie is at home in Essex, trying to remember the plan he had in October 2007- before he lost all memory of it and set off to Rotherham to learn from the little people.

 

“I do all the cooking at home.”

Tragic thing memory loss. He has forgotten the interview his wife gave to the Mail when promoting her new book:

“During the working week Jamie and Jools lead almost separate lives as they each pursue their jobs – Jamie frantically keeping his various business interests going in 12-hour days, while Jools looks after the children and the house.
‘Maybe one evening every two weeks Jamie comes home and we eat together. I’m used to it now and it’s fine.”

 

Over half a lager and shit guitar music- he comes up with Pass it On. He draws a shit diagram to illustrate his shit idea. He goes to see Julie Critchlow to tell her his shit idea. He explains it to her. She explains:

“They’ll not do it. They will while you’re there- sucking up to you.”

At last some sense. Unfortunately- there is then a sly cut by the editor. The subject changes to affordability and the suggestion is that that is the problem- when it clearly isn’t. The problem is the shit idea- even if it all came free.

With the hump- the spoiled little lad lists all the ills of modern society and asks (in his Range Rover of course).

“Why can’t a few little lessons solve that?”

Because this is the real world perhaps?

In a café- Jamie then cast himself as a visionary and seriously relates his half baked idea for a TV series to the development of air travel and space exploration. He really did.

He takes the opportunity of visiting someone’s home to tell the camera that he will write his recipes in a simpler form from now on to help non foodies. He got this idea from the people of Rotherham. Hasn’t he done well to complete the Ministry of Food book in the new style so fast to get it in the shops in time for Xmas. It’s almost a miracle.

 

Jamie has another new idea- a shop in town. He is incredibly uncomfortable when he is confronted by normal people.

Next- he gets his class into Rawmarsh school, to make sure those fence images are back to the front of our minds. He then has a brilliant idea. The Ministry of Food. How lucky that he incorporated a company of that name last year.

 

His stooges perform for the crowd, wear embarrassing T-shirts that testify to the positive effect he has had on them.  Basically- I was a wanker till jamie showed me the light. They cry and denounce their former ways. The crisps and choc of life BJ (Before Jamie).

 

Jamie goes round to visit Natasha- she’s in a mess. She is living proof that learning how to cook does not solve all your problems. The chef (estimated worth £25 million) tells the lass who has just flogged her rings that he cares about her and wants to help. 

 

She sparks up a fag. Even from up here, you can hear disgusted of Tunbridge Wells: “How can she afford to smoke on benefits? Blah blah blah. ”

Jamie is patronising:

“I know in the most unpatronising way I am enriching her life.”

Then honest:

“In three months time, when I drive back for the last time from Rotherham…”

 

At least he’s not pretending these extras are his real mates. Three months- book out- honk in the pocket, see ya suckers.

A blow. None of the people who are being featured in the TV show have Passed it On. Surely this proves that the campaign is fatally flawed.

 

Never mind- we all know he turns it round. Well he doesn’t really- but once he spins the Magna event, the webcast and the living Sainsburys ad in All Saints Square- we’ll get that impression.

 

The last ad break featured: Bradford and Bingley- Your Dreams Can Find a Home.
Was this a subversive act by Channel 4.  A poorly thought out strategy being bailed out by the public purse. Hasn’t enough of my council tax been poured into this folly already?

This was followed by Activia (Helps improve your digestion), Smoke alarms (Don’t burn down the kitchen you soft bastards) and……

Well of course – Sainsburys.

 

Let me know when they say something positive about Rotherham. We’re not going to have to wait until the end when Jamie has saved us are we?

Learn to Cook with Jamie in The Sun

Since Jamie’s Ministry of Food came to Rotherham- this blog has stated that the project will have a negative effect on the town.

We have consistently argued that:

The Pass it On campaign is a flawed idea that will not work.

The main purpose of the show is to promote Jamie Oliver, sell his books and boost the sales of his sponsor Sainsburys.

The show will portray the town and people of Rotherham in a poor light by perpetuating myths and creating a false impression.

A celebrity driven TV entertainment show is no way to address serious issues.

Today- the marketing campaign for the show started in earnest with a two page piece in The Sun. Through the paper- you can collect 6 free recipe cards and DVDs.

To get a DVD- you have to fill in a form and take it to one of the participating outlets. Those outlets are branches of Sainsburys and WH Smiths- the chain that happens to be running a promotion on the forthcoming book: Jamie’s Ministry of Food- Anyone Can Learn to Cook in 24 Hours.

Just to repeat that so we are all absolutely clear-

To get the DVD and recipe card- you must go to the supermarket that Jamie promotes or the bookshop that is doing special promotion on his book.

Alternatively- you could go to Delia Smith’s Online Cookery School

and get step by step instructions on simple recipes for free at home.

Or go to BBC Get Cooking

to get over 100 video recipes at your convenience.

Or you could watch one of the digital TV channels dedicated to cooking.

Or you could watch one of the many cookery shows on normal TV.

Or, if you wanted to learn hands on- you could ask someone you know to show you how to cook something.

Obviously, if you did any of the above- you would have to accept that there is absolutely no reason for Ministry of Food to exist as there are tons of resources out there already if you want to improve your kitchen skills.
The accompanying article in The Sun is as expected. Rotherham is set up as some kind of militant ghetto dedicated to pie and chips. The ghosts of Rawmarsh are predictably awoken (not as effective without the video- but you’ll be seeing it enough soon so don’t fret). Jamie quickly runs through the list of characters who will feature in the TV show and modestly talks about how meeting him has changed their lives. It seems only he can save us.

This is just the beginning….

Big Mouth Strikes Again

The marketing campaign for Jamie’s Ministry of Food project is underway. Like his beloved supermarkets, Oliver starts pushing the Xmas tat early and the move to get ‘Jamie’s Ministry of Food: Anyone Can Learn to Cook in 24 Hours’ into your stocking is on.

Jamie kicked off his season of promotion with a Q & A at the Edinburgh festival. You will probably have heard about his controversial comments when trying to laugh off criticism of his Fowl Dinners show.

Jamie Insults Germans

As we have seen repeatedly, without the benefit of extensive editing, Vicky Pollard features spews out a flow of nonsense. The Holocaust headlines were the only coverage his Edinburgh talk received in most papers. The exception was The Guardian but, as they had promoted the event, they unquestioningly repeated his ramblings.

Here are a few of the lowlights- with some fair and balanced commentary.

“Oliver, speaking in a one-on-one interview session at the MediaGuardian Edinburgh International Television Festival today with Peter Bazalgette, said that his passion for “campaign telly” came at a high personal cost.
“Campaign telly is the hardest in the world to do. You’ve got to be sincere and it has to come from the heart. You can’t invent it,” he added.

He said that Channel 4 show Jamie’s School Dinners had cost him “personally” £350,000.”

It has to come from the heart? In this report, Jamie admitted he picks his projects by what sells with his core audience. He’s never going to tackle anything that could hit him in the pocket.

The idea that the show personally cost him £350,000 is total bollocks. If that’s the amount his highly profitable production company put into the show- then that’s not his personal money. I would find it surprising if a show that was such a hit would lose so much money. If Oliver means that he missed out on other earnings due to working on his “campaign telly”- then that is ridiculous.

Plenty of British people, certainly hundreds and possibly in the hundreds of thousands, can cook as well as Jamie Oliver. His entire success is based on him becoming popular through being on TV. Without TV exposure- a chef is not going to sell any books.

After School Dinners- Jamie Oliver was hailed as a national hero. His enhanced profile meant his books flew off the shelves and guaranteed the green light for any TV project with his name attached. Even if you believe he spent £350 k of his own honk- in marketing terms it would have been a snip. Do you think he would be in a position to open his chain of Italian  sub-Café Rouges or serve up excrement like Ministry of Food if School Dinners hadn’t happened?

“Oliver added that there was a scene in Jamie’s Kitchen that wife Jules did not want to appear in – and that she had not signed a release form – but “it got put in regardless”.

“Don’t bother signing release forms – they mean absolutely nothing,” he quipped.”

From the off, we’ve been warning people about the exploitative nature of this type of show. Those of you who are content to put your trust in Jamie may think again after hearing that. If he treats his wife with so little respect- what do you think he cares about a bunch of Northern monkeys?

“Oliver also elaborated on how his decade-long association with Sainsbury’s has, on at least two major occasions, threatened his wider media interests.

He was forced into making a public apology for rounding on Sainsbury’s for not publicly rallying to his battery hen cause, for the Channel 4 show Jamie’s Fowl Dinners at the start of 2008.

“Some supermarkets turned up, they didn’t,” he said, remaining defiant about making the outburst.

“At the end of the day my first and biggest employer, for 10 years now, is my public. If you lie to them that’s it. End of story,” Oliver added.

“It did get me in trouble [with Sainsbury’s] … I’ve got a reasonably big mouth. Sometimes I felt like a chef and more often a professional shit stirrer.””

This is more like it. Jamie the folk hero- sticking it to the man. Unless you have any memory about what actually happened.  Jamie Oliver made a very mild comment about Sainsbury’s not backing an event.

Then, The Telegraph reported:

“The 32-year-old has … written an open letter to Sainsbury’s chief executive Justin King saying: “I am happy to confirm what I have said on several occasions: that Sainsbury’s has the most to be proud of on this important animal welfare issue.

“I would not have continued working with Sainsbury’s for so many years if I did not believe that you were showing real leadership.”

On BBC Breakfast- he said:

“The passion for the subject got me in a pickle where it was able to go in papers and look like I was criticizing Sainsbury’s.”

“Sainsbury’s did do more than their bit and yes I was perturbed that they were not there at the live event purely and only because I knew it would look bad when they had no reason to look bad.”

 

See- Jamie’s employer is not the British public- it is the supermarket that pays him £1.2 a year. He says one bad word about them and he is forced to write a groveling public apology and drag his sorry ass round breakfast TV studios praising them to the rafters. That’s his version of remaining defiant. Hardly Tank Man in Tiananmen  Square is it? Backtracking one hundred percent on what was in his show. Do you think he will offer the same apologies to any of the people he misrepresents on his forthcoming show?

Now the dust has settled- it is in the interests of both Sainsbury’s and Jamie to play up his slightly bad boy image. It’s good for business and complements their current series of adverts.

“Oliver also elaborated on the nature of his departure from the BBC, for whom he made the early series of Naked Chef that made his name, because of corporation’s growing unease about his relationship with Sainsbury’s.

“I got sacked. I kind of did. They felt that the Sainsbury’s ads looked like the Naked Chef,” he said. “I wanted to stay but they wanted me to personally indemnify the programme.”

The BBC, Oliver added, wanted to be protected from any potential conflict of interest over future series arising from his Sainsbury’s relationship.

He said that in hindsight there is a much better fit with Channel 4 than BBC1 or BBC2.”

 

“I got sacked. I kind of did.”- Or put another way- the BBC pointed out that doing carbon copies of a show as adverts is a totally unacceptable practice. On being told this, Oliver shipped out and followed the money. His love of Sainsbury’s honk meant he slipped to a level where he was ridiculously over exposed. He only rescued the position by reinventing himself as a campaigner. He is now playing exactly the same trick- with Sainsbury’s feed your family for a fiver ad’s perfectly complementing Ministry of Food. After that “£350,000” marketing spend- he thinks the GBP will forgive him anything.

 

No Blackmail

J’Accuse – Jamie Oliver M.B.E.

Why does Jamie Oliver keep getting involved in these campaigns?

School Dinners, Ministry of Food, Stop the Working Class Eating Chicken, Train ASBO kids as Low Paid Kitchen Fodder-

You name it – he’s on it.

What motivates him to give so much of himself for the little people?

What drives him on to seek out new projects?

Here’s my theory.

Jamie Oliver was born in 1975 and brought up in rural Essex pub. His family were Tories and the area he grew up in was synonymous with the uncaring, “no such thing as society” ethos of 1980s Thatcherism.

Oliver got a job at the River Café. One day a TV producer making a documentary spotted him in the kitchen and the Naked Chef series was created. The producer had been looking for someone young to front a cookery show and, with his unthreatening, “chicken” looks, Oliver fitted the bill.

The idea was to create a kind of Britpop chef and build a show around his life.

The producer was Pat Llewellyn of Optomen Television. Optomen Television rented the flat for him and Pat Llewellyn guided him through the show by asking him questions. With heavy editing- they came up with a storyline of the hip young chef hanging with is buddies. Kind of the Monkees without the looks, tunes or personality.

The show was a hit and this enabled Jamie to do what he really cared about- ruthlessly making money in the Essex man stylee. Oliver signed a mega deal with Sainsbury’s to recreate his TV show as an advert. Same idea- he goes out with his ‘real’ mates (always including one black, one Jew, but none of them disableds as they put you off your dinner) then all back to ‘his’ for a slap up meal.

Absolutely no sign of any social conscience so far. So what was the road to Damascus moment that was the making of St Jamie?

The BBC suggested he should knock the Sainsbury ad’s on the head. He was ridiculously over exposed and appeared to be lining his pockets by copying a format shown by a public service broadcaster. Like many who get success young- Oliver had apparently developed into a full blown tosspot who believed his own hype. He left.

So at this point in his career- you had a kid who had been handed success on a plate and he had milked it for every penny. The public were tired of his act; Britpop was as dead as the T-Rex.

If he wanted to keep doing what he loved (stuffing fivers in his wallet) he had to reinvent himself.

Channel 4 signed him and Jamie’s Kitchen was born. His first “social enterprise” hit pay dirt.  His Bash St Kids were selected from a host of applicants on the basis of their value as soap opera characters. Again, heavy editing created a new Oliver character. This time, the caring, “doing it for the kids” dude. And he could keep doing the Sainsbury’s ad’s.

Unsurprisingly- he liked the sound of this. School Dinners followed and now Ministry of Food. Each time- the Sainsbury’s ad’s have continued. The man who shut down the Turkey Twizzler factory sees no contradiction in promoting a company with shelves full of similar products. In the run up to Ministry of Food- the ad’s are on a theme of feeding your family for a fiver with home cooking. Surely not up his own tricks of blurring the line between his TV shows and adverts again is he?

The lack of sincerity is staggering. His next great cause is already decided. After ‘saving’ the poor folks of Rotherham- he is going to save pigs.

Why pigs you ask. This report explains:

“Celebrity chef Jamie Oliver has pledged to make being a “champion for pigs” his next worthy cause.
Oliver, who has already championed free-range chickens in his television documentary Fowl Dinners, was speaking at the annual literary festival in Hay-on-Wye, mid Wales.
He said he had considered concentrating on beef or milk, but went with the popular choice of pigs after asking his audience.”

So there you have it. Jamie really cares about…whatever will sell with his audience. He looks for “his next worthy cause”, does some market research and drops it if it doesn’t play well with the ABC1s. It’s all about making the TV shows, making the adverts and selling the books. It was when he was the cheeky Naked Chef and it’s exactly the same now.

Don’t believe me. This is from a recent interview. Oliver was asked what his next project is. He said:

“Fifteen really looks after itself now and there’s a great team of people at the various restaurants all over the world and the chicken thing has got Hugh all over it. I’m excited about the Jamie’s Italian restaurants – we opened Oxford already and that’s doing really well. We open Bath and Kingston later this year and then Brighton, Cambridge and a few others next year. And I’m working hard on a new book and TV project for the autumn and you’ll find out more about that in September”.

 

Fifteen- moved on

The chickens- done with.

Ministry of Food- this burning passion he is pursuing in our town. The thing he was driven to do to get rid of images that haunted him. His crusade to change the health of the whole of Britain. It doesn’t even get a mention by name. Slipped his mind altogether this all consuming passion of his.

See, when you’re selling something- you don’t want to confuse the punters. Currently, Oliver is selling his chain of restaurants. Rotherham is just:

“a new book and TV project for the autumn and you’ll find out more about that in September”.

If you are involved in Ministry of Food- I hope you are getting paid as much as the people Jamie pretends to be friends with in his adverts. You are basically playing the same role- background artiste in a marketing campaign to boost the £20 million plus fortune of Jamie Oliver M.B.E..

 

No Blackmail

Cook-Along Fever

Don’t forget Jamie’s show on BBC Radio Sheffield. Tuesday 17; 6.00-7.00 pm. Our lovely licence lolly is paying for this second hour long plug for Channel 4 and Jamie’s Ministry of Food Ltd (Registered No. 06404982), so we may as well get our get our money’s worth.

No doubt- you’ve been excited about the promised cook-along all week. Oliver is going all out to win us over by showcasing the no nonsense methods that are going to kickstart a revolution in the health of families across Britain.

Count the flaws in the model- they’re going to get bigger as the project grows.

What percentage of the people who listened last week are actually going to cook along? If you are guessing anywhere over one percent, I salute your optimism.

Jamie’s going to keep it real by teaching us how to cook a burger. Last week, he told us to check out the website and pick up the ingredients so we could all get cracking this week. I did – so you don’t need to:

1 large white onion
olive oil
sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
50g Jacob’s crackers
8 sprigs of fresh flat-leaf parsley
2 heaped teaspoons Dijon mustard
500g good-quality beef mince
1 large egg, preferably free-range
1 cos or round lettuce
3 tomatoes
1 red onion
3 or 4 gherkins
6 burger buns

How many other people do you reckon bothered looking? Five percent? I’d say less but we’ll aim high. Of that five percent- how many would have gone out of their way to buy these ingredients so they could prepare a burger at precisely 6.30 pm on Tuesday? Anyone still confident about that one percent plus figure?

The list looked pretty big to me- so I checked out how much it would cost you to make Jamie’s burger feast. To keep it fair- I checked on the website of our boy’s fave supermarket:

Sainsbury’s Beef Mince, Be Good To Yourself 440g
£2.79
Sainsbury’s Single Beef Tomato
£0.55 x 3 = 1.65
Sainsbury’s Red Onions x3
£1.29
Sainsbury’s Olive Oil, Extra Virgin 500ml
£2.48
Sainsbury’s Dijon Mustard, 210g
£0.45
Sainsbury’s Flat Leaf Parsley 25g
£0.69
Sainsbury’s Free Range Eggs, Medium x6
£1.36
Sainsbury’s Lettuce, Round
£0.49
Sainsbury’s Pickled Gherkins, in  Vinegar 675g
£0.59
Jacob’s Cream Crackers 300g
£0.64
Sainsbury’s Burger Buns x6
£0.63
Sainsbury’s Onions, Basics   
£0.59

A grand total of £13.66. And remember- that’s just for burgers. We’ve been systematically brainwashed to expect a portion of chips and a glass of pop with a burger meal, plus a movie tie-in toy for the youngsters. In the unlikely event you can get a family who work or go to school to hang on till nearly seven with the promise of a homemade burger- they are not going to be chuffed with nowt but tap water on the side.

For the kind of money you’re talking- you could get a serious takeaway. And you could go there when you wanted. The stated target maket of the project is folks who never cook. At that price you’re going to attract about 0.01 percent of them.

But, you cry- you’ve budgeted for buying bottles of olive oil and six eggs. The people who do this will have these things at home.

Aha, I exclaim- they would. I believe that most British families would be packing this gear. However- this whole project is supposedly aimed at a large group in society who NEVER cook. They would have to be sufficiently inspired by J.O. to fork out a considerable amount of money to do something they have an aversion to. The end product would be something they could get delivered to their house for less expense. And they could have it whenever they wanted.

Nonsense, you interject- they could do this whenever they wanted. This family have to have access to the Internet to have got the recipe (I pass over the fact that many do not have a computer). They can use the listen again facility and do this whenever. Or just copy down the details and do it at their convenience.

Allelujah- I cry. You finally understand. The whole scheme is just another crappy cooking show aimed at snobbish foodies. The whole community involvement thing is a ruse and the people of Rotherham are extras in a deception.

The recipes are out there anyway. Those who want to cook have all the help they need. My licence fee funds www.bbc.co.uk/food , where people have access to thousands of recipes- including 100 video recipes. Anyone flicking through the current issue of Radio Times will see a free food pull out which includes a recipe for burgers by Ainsley Harriott and one for kebabs by Gordon Ramsey.

The School Dinners show was considered a success because it got politicians to change policy. A group of needy knob jockeys who will do anything to get their mugs on telly fell over themselves to press Oliver’s puffy, pale flesh.

People already know what food is good for them. People have developed their eating habits to suit themselves. If they are unhealthy- they have justified to themselves the reasons why they stick with them. You cannot alter the behaviour of people overnight unless you are offering something which is demonstrably superior.

Jamie’s Ministry of Food is a fraud. It is built on a lie and offers solutions which are impractical. The script has already been written. Jamie Oliver will be at the centre of a series of set pieces which will build to a climax. Careful editing and spurious claims will have the viewers in no doubt that the whole thing has been “another triumph”. Easy to claim success when the results are impossible to quantify. The only figures that count are the sales of: Jamie’s Ministry of Food: Anyone Can Learn to Cook in 24 Hours. To be published by  Michael Joseph Ltd 2nd Oct 2008.

The only losers will be the people of Rotherham. Unpaid extras in this squalid exercise. The town held up as a centre of sloth and ignorance. The suckers who show up on TV will be used the worst then left high and dry when the ringmaster returns South.

With every lack lustre appearence in Rotherham- Jamie is convincing more people to stand up and fight back. He is uniting the people under one banner. Jamie Go Home.

Anyone who collaborates is selling us down the river.

No Blackmail

BBC Radio Sheffield Jamie Day: Part One

Hurrah- Today is Jamie Oliver day on BBC Radio Sheffield.

The local broadcaster is clearing the decks to give the titty lipped kedgeree king enough space to park his ego.

He has an hour of informercial time tonight at 6- but his first port of call was the Toby Foster- Bigger at Breakfast show. Despite being trailed as appearing from 8:30 onwards- our favourite kitchen weasel only managed to put in a ten minute shift. He excused his tardiness with those stock ‘couldn’t be arsed’ metaphors- ‘sat nav’ and ‘traffic on the Parkway’.

Once on air- the clichés kept flowing. He loves coming up to Rotherham- “because of the people”. Oliver emphasised his commitment by telling the listeners it was “worth the three hours of Hell” on the motorway to get here. All of us little people at home were deeply moved that this icon of our age drags himself away, from the glitz of Down South, and puts himself through such an ordeal to help us.

It’s not all one way though. Jamie loves getting out and about because:

“In London- you get caught up in rubbish.”

Yeah- but your rubbish gets commissioned mate. Of course, this is not just a TV show- it’s “a movement.” I’ll leave you to make up your own gags for that one.

Jamie did admit that the issue of people not cooking at home anymore was not Rotherham specific. So why was he here? He says he kept thinking of the Rawmarsh lasses handing chips to their kids and: “It haunted me.” Whichever PR consultant wrote that line for him needs to either get a new career or get out more.

It came up briefly that he’s doing an ad for Sainsburys, pointing out that a family can eat well for a fiver. This campaign can’t possibly be linked to the show he’s embarking on. Can it?

Some good came of Jamie Oliver’s spot. As he rolled up twenty minutes late- some filling was required. A concerned grandparent, Anne, phoned up to complain about the station’s reporting of the government’s ludicrous plan to shut down a list of failing schools if they don’t perform better. Anne spoke from the heart in defence of the much maligned Myers Grove school. She told the listeners why exam results aren’t every thing and how much the staff had gone out of their way to help her grand daughter. She was eloquent and gave an impassioned local slant on a national issue.

Unfortunately, Oliver turned up, so we couldn’t hear more of Anne. I mean, it’s OK to have bit of these lovely, warm Northerners; but when masser’s come all the way from the big house- we’ve got to listen to him. Supermarkets don’t plug themselves you know.

Don’t forget to tune in later- a full hour of Jamie informercial on the BBC.